Lily is too...

29 Nov 2013

When I said that November felt like it had been going on forever, I meant it. I had to lose Billy at the beginning of this month. And, it breaks my heart to say it, I had to lose Lily too yesterday. Yes, Lily is gone too.

Losing two wonderful little angels in less than a month make me think that I'm the worst pet owner in the whole universe. They were just 5 month old kittens. I feel sorry for Miss Molly that she had to lose her two kids because I couldn't take care of them.

Now I only have Miss Molly and Luna. I swear to God that I'm going to take care of them better from now on.
Good bye, Lily. Now Billy can go chasing flies and you can watch him do that with your big eyes. I love you, sweetheart.

Dreams and Growing Up

25 Nov 2013

When I was younger, I used to dream about traveling around the world. I dreamt about graduating high school and getting a scholarship abroad. I dreamt about leaving on a jet plane, off into the sunset to the west and starting a new beginning out there.

Then when I started studying in university, I still dreamt about traveling around the world, but at that time, my dream had changed. I wanted to travel the world alone. My first years in univeristy consisted of tons of teen angst, (I know, I know. It was weird since I was around 19 years old at that time, but perhaps I was a late bloomer because everything was worse at that time than it was in my earlier teenage stage.) and I kept thinking about moving out of my parents' house to start my own life. I dreamt about leaving this city and travel the world around, hopefully without having to go back at all. Ha! Teen angst!

Fast forward to three years later and here I am now as a 22 year old young woman. Do I still dream about traveling around the world? Why yes I do, of course I do. But that dream doesn't seem as sweet as this new dream I have now: to live in peace. In that three year gap, a lot of things have happened; things that have turned my whole life upside down. All I want now is just some peace.

I understand that it's never good to give up on your dreams, but I'm sure about one thing: dreams keep shifting along the way. And when you grow up, you should understand and accept the fact that not all dreams are meant to come true. When you can't make it happen, it doesn't mean that your life ends. If it is meant to be, it will be.

Image via.


22 Nov 2013

Unlike January through October, November has been quite slow. It feels like my whole life is moving in a slow motion. I started this month with a heartbreak, and now I feel like it's already months ago, when it's really just been three weeks. Three weeks that feel like three whole years for me. I've been as busy as I was in October, but that doesn't make November feel any less long.

Now, if I could just make the rest of the month count...

Outfit Post: Braga

17 Nov 2013

I'm wearing:
Zig-zag wide pashmina by Hijabeez (IDR 55k)
Denim dress by Girls Collection (IDR 115k)
Hot orange flower brooch by Hijnee Gloun (IDR 15k)

Please excuse the awkward poses. I was photographed by this cute guy (ha!)

Staying at Home

12 Nov 2013

After being busy for about two weeks and rarely had time to spare for relaxing, I finally get to stay at home for the last two days, thanks to this bruise on my left foot. A and I had a small accident on Sunday evening when we were en route to my house after having a date. His motorcycle almost hit a cab and in attempt to avoid crashing right into it, he swerved to the right but my left leg successfully rammed the cab's rear bumper. No broken bones, though. I only ended up having this not-so-big-yet-not-too-small bruise. Thank goodness. The brighter side of this story is that I get to sit and laze around at home, eating ice cream and listening to Pitch Perfect soundtrack album. It has been raining these past two days, so I couldn't be happier to stay at home.

Roadtrip to Jakarta

11 Nov 2013

You know that some people (or somebody?) say that the cure for a broken heart is salt water: tears, sweat, or the sea. I'd like to add that beside salt water, a roadtrip also cures the pain. I had both on Saturday.
Vicky and I had been talking about taking a roadtrip since two weeks ago. There were two plans back then: Jakarta or Cianjur. Since Vicky never drove too far from Bandung, the two options were the only possible destinations. We decided to choose Jakarta and go to Ancol beach. We also asked Irma to join us and so on Saturday morning, we went on our very first roadtrip.
The road to Ancol was not very packed, as it was highway all the way there. There was only some traffic jam in the tollgates, but other than that, it was just fun. We arrived in Ancol at around 11am. We only spent two hours there, taking pictures and sitting around. We went home at 1pm because we had to be home by dusk.
This was really fun. We should do this more often.

PS. Thank you very much for all the loves for Billy. I don't believe in pet heaven or the like, but I'm sure all the good souls will go to a better place when they leave this world. Thank you very much. It makes me feel better to know that he is loved even after he is gone.

I love Billy

7 Nov 2013

I had prepared a somewhat happy post about something happened to me last week, but then Saturday came and my heart got broken so bad. I woke up a little late that day to find Billy lying on the bathroom floor, motionless. I quickly grabbed him up and called his name. He didn't even meow at me; he just looked at me. His body was very cold and couldn't do anything. He did try to stand up only to fall back down.

I took him to a clinic near my house. However, since it was Saturday and still eight in the morning, the clinic wasn't open yet. I stroked Billy's fur and told him to be patient. He just looked at me and meowed nothing. I decided to take him to a farther clinic, but the doctor was on a vacation. I once again stroked Billy's fur and told him to bear with me. I went back to the first clinic and luckily the clinic was already open by then.

But God had another plan. When I opened Billy's basket, he wasn't breathing anymore. He's gone.

I cried at the clinic's parking lot, hugging him tightly in my arms. He was very small and already cold. His eyes were empty and so was my heart. I had never lost a pet and this broke my heart so much. I cried at the parking lot for half an hour, all alone.

Then I went home and hugged Miss Molly, whispering "I'm sorry... I'm sorry..." repeatedly like it would change something. I knew I should've seen the signs. Billy had shown some signs that he was ill since Thursday night but I ignored them. I knew there was something wrong but I shrugged the thought off. I'm such a bad pet owner.

A came over to my house to comfort me. I still hadn't decided what to do with Billy's body and he offered to take it to his office and bury it in his office's backyard. So we took Billy to Dago. He dug a hole and I put Billy there. Just like that and he's gone.

I still can feel him sleeping on my lap. I still can hear his purring sound. I still remember how he liked chasing flies and playing with dry leaves. I love him with all my heart. What makes me even more sad is the regret of ignoring his symptoms. My mind is still clouded up by the what if's and I should've's. He would've survived if only I wasn't so stupid. He would've been here. He would've been still on my lap.

It's been five days and I still cry myself to sleep.