I Hate How It Used To Be

4 Jul 2013


Once upon a time (or three weeks ago), I was cleaning my room when I found this treasure: an old diary of mine. Not that old, actually, as the last entry was in 2010. The diary has a picture of a blue elephant with a "HAPPY DAY" heart shaped balloon on the cover. But believe me when I say that there is almost no a single entry telling about happy day in it. Everything was so stressful and sad and bad and negative back then.


85 % of the pages are filled with the sad story of 19-years-old Dara, who was dealing with her first and second years of university, her psychological issue, and her boyfriend back then. Not the story 21-years-old Dara could be proud of. If I could, I really would like to take everything back. Oh God, how I had wasted my time!

Looking back at how stupid the me depicted in the diary was, I decided to also look back at the old posts in this blog. Whilst there are some stressful posts just like my old diary entries, I could totally see that what I posted here are not 100% true. There are some "I'm happy"s to cover up the ugly truth about how unhappy I actually was. For the love of God, I really want to delete those posts but I'm still not sure yet. Should I delete them or shouldn't I?

My life is moving forward. I'm growing up (a lot) and I have plans now. I have moved on from the past, but as long as my past is still there in the form of old blog posts, I can't feel secure. I'm afraid that they would interfere and mess up my future plans.

So, should I or shouldn't I?

Join the discussion?

  1. Oh, I'd keep them. Sometimes it's nice to look back and see how far you've come rather than curating our lives to their 'best' selves all the time. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I've decided to keep most of the 'ugly posts' and revert some of them to drafts. Thanks for the advice, though :)

      Delete

Comments are welcome :)