I Hate How It Used To Be


Once upon a time (or three weeks ago), I was cleaning my room when I found this treasure: an old diary of mine. Not that old, actually, as the last entry was in 2010. The diary has a picture of a blue elephant with a "HAPPY DAY" heart shaped balloon on the cover. But believe me when I say that there is almost no a single entry telling about happy day in it. Everything was so stressful and sad and bad and negative back then.


85 % of the pages are filled with the sad story of 19-years-old Dara, who was dealing with her first and second years of university, her psychological issue, and her boyfriend back then. Not the story 21-years-old Dara could be proud of. If I could, I really would like to take everything back. Oh God, how I had wasted my time!

Looking back at how stupid the me depicted in the diary was, I decided to also look back at the old posts in this blog. Whilst there are some stressful posts just like my old diary entries, I could totally see that what I posted here are not 100% true. There are some "I'm happy"s to cover up the ugly truth about how unhappy I actually was. For the love of God, I really want to delete those posts but I'm still not sure yet. Should I delete them or shouldn't I?

My life is moving forward. I'm growing up (a lot) and I have plans now. I have moved on from the past, but as long as my past is still there in the form of old blog posts, I can't feel secure. I'm afraid that they would interfere and mess up my future plans.

So, should I or shouldn't I?

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