Chosen

30 Mar 2013


"It wouldn't change a thing."

"Well, it did change me."

"You didn't change."

"My mind did."

There was one time, November 2011, when I felt like I was on the edge of an ultimate break down. I decided, then, to board a train to Jakarta all by myself. Perhaps running away is the only thing I'm good at. This is perhaps what I'm doing right now: running away. Maybe someday I would finally have the guts to tell you the reasons why I am who I am today. But as for now, let me tell you this instead:

Yesterday, I got super angry at somebody's tweet. They clearly talked about me, as it had my nick name in it, and it was a bad talk. I got super angry, but I didn't rant back in Twitter. Instead, I texted A. I let it out on him in ALL CAPS. I told him that if I would, I could make their life more miserable.

"There's something you could do to make them feel worthless: be happy."

"I've chosen you."

"Everybody knows that I've chosen you."

Then I told myself, "I am happy. I am loved. I am chosen."

Just right then, I'm good again.

Me and My Darling A:
1
Hater:
0

A + D

25 Mar 2013



A few days ago, I said here that A and I finally did a photoshoot sesh in a proper studio. Above are the results. He didn't feel too excited about the first photo, though. He said he looked insincere. I myself didn't feel excited about the second one because... oh my, look at those cheeks!

But we sure as hell make a cute couple.

The Conversation. Again.

24 Mar 2013

{source}

"Enak banget kayaknya jadi orang inspektorat itu ya?"

"Iya. Makanya kamu jadi PNS."

My mum insists on me becoming a civil servant. She seems okay if I don't end up becoming a teacher, as long as I still become a civil servant. I don't want to be a civil servant. I want to be able to try new things; to hop from one place to another before deciding to settle down in one job. She doesn't seem to understand. My dad doesn't either. He keeps talking about the security of being a civil servant.

But I don't want to. This conversation is going nowhere at all.

Life Lately

21 Mar 2013


Hi! Just stopping by to share some updates in my life recently. After some silly posts telling you all about what's going on in my mind, let me tell you now what's going on in my life.

Remember the student teaching program that I told you two months ago? The programme is supposed to last until May, but it looks like mine will only last until early April. Good to know that I would get some spare time to revise my final paper proposal and submit it in time. I can't afford being late and not being able to submit it again. No way!

And today, my boyfriend and I decided to (finally) do a photoshoot sesh in a proper studio. The result will come out on the coming Monday, so I'll share it here later.

Now, how's your life lately?

Future

18 Mar 2013


You know what I hate about being in early 20s? Those talks about future, i.e. job and marriage. It wasn't until I turned 21 that I realised how I had wasted my life when I was still a teenager. I should've done better than this. I regret a lot of things, including my university and major choice. I shouldn't have taken education major as I don't really want to be a teacher. Now I want to be an editor in a magazine, whilst my parents still want me to be a teacher. The conversations about job and career aren't going anywhere with them and it drives me crazy.

And marriage. MARRIAGE! Boy am I still 21. I don't understand those people (non family) who keep talking about how and why I should get married soon. It's not like I don't want to get married asap, but enough with the talking already! Might as well just wait for the good news and mind your own business. Why don't you get married soon? And why is it your business when my own parents haven't even mentioned it?

Now getting back to the first topic, I need your help:
In your opinion, what are the reasons why teaching is awesome? Why do you think I should be a teacher?

If I Knew Then

13 Mar 2013


I was still 19 and you were 21. Funny how at first I couldn't even remember your name. I just remembered you as 'that guy who also comes from Lampung'. But I'm glad that we had some pictures taken on the first day that we met. Now I'm 21 and you're almost 23 (next month!). It gets even funnier, now that your name is the first thing that comes to my mind when I wake up in the morning. I can't technically say that I come from Lampung, but who knows that Lampung may be the same place we'll call home.

I love you, A. I wonder if we had really met when we were in junior high, would we be together like we are right now?


What's Inside My Bag

11 Mar 2013

You guys, I'm bored. My team is currently one score behind in the big match versus Manchester United. They're playing quite monotonously, so I decided to give you a scope about what's inside my bag. (I know, I know. I made that post before. But it's a different bag with different stuffs inside, so I guess it's okay if I do it again, no?)


Besides the difference in the quality of the pictures, this post and that post also differ in the type of bag and what's inside them. Time flies. When I posted the old WIMB post, I was still in my second year of college. I still carried textbooks everywhere. Now that I'm in my final year and am currently student teaching in a high school, I don't carry textbooks anymore. Instead, I carry these:


1. An ASUS U24E. Bigger than my previous laptop, yet lighter. Also, it's bold red.
2. A Blue Cross wallet. I'm very sad to say that my old black Milk Teddy wallet was lost (again) but this time, it never came back to me.
3. A Minnie Mouse notebook. I don't carry binder notebook anymore.
4. Two bank account books. I have two bank accounts now and I carry these books everywhere without any specific reason.
5. A stationery case.


6. The Three Rey back pack. Which is super comfy!
7. A bone-shaped eyeglasses case. I still have it :)
8. Make up (sunblock, Wardah face powder, Maybelline lipbalm, and Wardah brown eyeliner pencil)
9. Miss Molly. Just kidding! (She's too heavy to be carried around)


10. My students' homework
11. English module


12. A plastic bag. You never know when you will need one.
13. Power terminal. Because I'm a power hunter.
14. Laptop and phone chargers. As said above, I'm a power hunter.
15. A white Sony Ericsson Xperia X8 with Mentari SIM card (for making calls and texting)
16. A black Sony Xperia Miro with Axis SIM card (for catching up with several social networking sites and WhatsApp-ing with my darling A)

Sixteen boring items that I carry around everyday in my boring life. Hope it doesn't bore you, though. Now, back to the boring game...

PS. By the time I published this post, both my team and Manchester United already scored two goals.

The Reason Why I Haven't Started Writing My Skripsi* Yet

7 Mar 2013

As a fourth year university student, I fully understand why you guys keep asking me about the same thing: skripsi. A lot of my friends have already started writing theirs now, and yet here I am still not giving a damn about it. Don't get me wrong. Of course I want to be able to graduate as soon as possible; I have dreams to pursue, after all.

My skripsi proposal is ready to be submitted, actually. It has already been since January. But another requirement for submitting it is a minimum PTESOL score of 500. Alas for me, I hadn't got the chance to take the test until one day before the D-day of skripsi proposal submission due date. (Ya know, after all the haze and craze about Antigone, I had to face the student teaching programme right away.) That is why I have to wait until May, when the second term of skripsi proposal submission is due.

Don't worry, though. Because I passed the minimum PTESOL score requirement.

613, dude!

*skripsi: a term Indonesian people use to call the final paper that bachelor degree students have to write to be able to graduate and get their degree

"Ibu-ibu"

6 Mar 2013

Kemarin gue memutuskan untuk make kaos warna krem entah-milik-siapa yang secara ajaib ada di lemari gue sejak berbulan-bulan yang lalu. Kaos itu bahannya agak tipis dan see through; itulah kenapa selama ini gue males nyobainnya. Tapi kemarin gue mau main Pump sama A, dan kaos ini + manset + rok nampak seperti kombinasi yang pas.

As soon as I dressed up, my phone rang.

"Halo, dengan Ibu Putri Dara yang berlangganan Indovision? Saya Rahma, Bu. Mau menawarkan program baru..."

Pembicaraan itu berlangsung super singkat karna gue emang gak minat ikutan program apa-apa. (Gue udah cukup bahagia bisa nonton CSI di Fox Crime dan New Girl di AXN.) Tapi pembicaraan singkat itu menimbulkan kesan di otak gue: Gue harus membiasakan diri dipanggil "ibu". Gue gak akan selamanya jadi cewek muda seksi bergairah kan?

Gue berangkat dan ketemu A. Sebelum main Pump, dia minta anter beli sepatu dulu. Kami keliling sebuah department store di Ciwalk, milih-milih sepatu untuk A. Dia nemu satu model sepatu yang dia suka. Dan ketika kami lagi nunggu pegawai dept store itu nyari sepatu dengan ukuran yang pas, A ngeliatin gue dan bilang:

"Kamu udah cocok jadi ibu-ibu."

"What?"

"Maaf ya?"

"Maaf kenapa?"

"Maaf aku belum ngelamar kamu."

Perhaps I should really start referring myself as "Bu Putri Dara".


Setahun Kemarin

5 Mar 2013

Bruised (acoustic) by Jacks Mannequin on Grooveshark
(Sila dengarkan sambil baca biar lebih dapet feel-nya.)

Kadang lucu ya? Kita suka pengen bilang "Bray... Udah setahun lho, bray? Gak kerasa, gilaaakk!!" tapi gak bisa gitu juga. Soalnya setahun itu waktu yang gak sebentar, tapi gak bisa disebut lama juga. Gak kerasa, tapi yaaa kerasa juga. Tergantung apa aja yang lu alami selama setahun itu.

Ah, tapi 'detik', 'menit', 'jam', 'hari', 'minggu', 'bulan', dan 'tahun' itu kan cuma konsep buatan manusia; hasil kesepakatan entah siapa.

Dalam keadaan normal, gue adalah salah seorang yang menganggap kalo setahun itu cuma sebentar. Gue masih inget jaman gue galau gara-gara pacar kedua gue pas SMP (yaaa walopun dulu istilah 'galau' itu sendiri belum sepopuler sekarang), dan voila! Tiba-tiba aja gue udah jadi mahasiswa. Enam tahun yang super singkat.

Dan setahun yang lalu (persisnya setahun dua hari) adalah satu dari empat tanggal di tahun 2012 yang bakal selalu nempel di otak gue. (Jangan tanya yang tiga lagi tanggal berapa, soalnya gue gak mau cerita. At least not today.)

Simpelnya sih begini:
Cinta gak akan hilang cuma gara-gara lu gak mengakuinya. Cinta bakal tetep ada di situ, nunggu dengan sabar, sampe akhirnya lu mau mengakui: "Ya. Gue jatuh cinta."

Setahun dua hari yang lalu, ketika langit ragu-ragu antara menurunkan hujan atau membiarkan matahari menyelesaikan tugasnya, gue memarkir motor di teras rumah. Gue buka pintu ruang tamu dan langsung masuk kamar, tanpa setor muka dulu sama Ibu. Gue memandangi langit utara dari jendela kamar. Ada seseorang di sana, 20 kilometer di utara, yang baru aja gue kirimin sms:
"Padahal gak ujan lho. Ah coba tadi jadi aja nontonnya."

Gak lama berselang, dia bales:
"Iya. Ah sayang banget..."

Sms singkat itu bikin air mata yang sejak siang udah gue tahan langsung ngalir gitu aja.

Ya. Gue jatuh cinta.

Si Gadis "Kalem" (photo by Ririz)

Sunday (and a Few Thoughts on Being M.I.A.)

3 Mar 2013

honeybees

It was a perfect Sunday. I got to see my girls in the morning, had brunch together, had a photobooth sesh, and talked about a lot of things. Velentina and I are student teaching in the same school, whilst Lianisya and Diana are student teaching in another school, so there were a lot of things to catch up with.

And as if that was not amazing enough, in the afternoon, I got to see my boy too. We had a small pizza together and went to play PIU game. He went to Cirebon yesterday, so we only got to spend a brief time on Saturday night. Thus, today we made it up by spending the whole afternoon together.

I'm currently trying to catch up with my blog readers. I've been missing every now and then since months ago. Let's just say that I'm finally facing blogger's block once again. I don't quite know what to write, partly because my life has been kinda boring lately. It has been the same routine over and over again: wake up, dress up, go to school, teach a class or two, go to see my boy/tutor a student/go to a meeting, go home, and fall asleep.

But I've never gone too far from here. I'm still available on Twitter, though. Oh and Instagram too. So, if you miss me (as if!), you can follow my Twitter or my Instagram.

I still love you guys!