These past weeks I have wandered too far from my comfort zone. Honestly, I'm a socially awkward girl. I don't quite like to make new friends; I enjoy having just a small circle of friend. I prefer working alone to working in a group; if I really have to work in a group, I tend to work with those I already know. But in this ABS (Language and Arts Appreciation) project, where we have to create a show, I'm in the creative team with ten other people; eight of whom I didn't know very well. The creative team also have a very hard job to find/create the concept for the show, to conduct the practices, to decide what properties are going to be used, and such stuffs. For these past two weeks, I have to go home very, very late and I also have other assignments. I am so busy; I am so tired. But I keep trying to enjoy it. I have never been in a creative before and I didn't know that the job of the team would be this hard, but I try to enjoy it. The team is actually very solid and supportive. I love how I could easily fit in with them (who are majorly from the English Literature study programme).
I have pushed myself so hard to be away from my 'bubble', that comfort zone I have always been in. And it actually breaks my heart to see those people (outside of the creative team) who cannot be willing to get out of their comfort zone too for the sake of the show. I am very aware to the fact that our work is not perfect, but it really tore my heart to hear them say that our work was a 'bullshit'. I'm mad; I want to swing a wrecking ball. They have apologised and I have forgiven them. But I cannot lie; I forgive but never forget.
That day, I lost my respect for a lot of people.
I told myself that no matter how messed up the situation was, no matter how messed up my head was, I had to stay positive. No matter how hard that day was, I still tweeted positive things, cheering myself up, telling myself to never give up. But once again, someone threw stone at my head. Someone I called a friend sarcasticly tweeted something that made me upset. They didn't mention me but I know the tweet was for me (hey, haven't I told you that I have a very strong intuition?) I just didn't know that tweeting positive thoughts was bad. Perhaps I have to just rant and blurt it all on Twitter every time I'm upset. Is that how the society works? Do I miss something here?
They, of course, said that the tweet wasn't for me. Oh well...
Last Eid al Fitr, I told myself to stop hating. I had always been a hater of a lot of things, a lot of people, but now I realise that I cannot be friends with everybody. Haters and enemies are unavoidable. It's okay to hate, it's okay to dislike; as long as I don't forget to love those who deserve to be loved.
So, haters: There. I said it. This is your favourite part because, yes, I am really, really mad. And now you have something real to talk about, no?
PS. We just finished the script. Yay! :D
Labels: college, life as i know it, what's inside my head